How successful coaches and mentors challenge their clients through limiting beliefs

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Mentoring at the Institute of Management Consultants’ Annual event Sydney 2019


  1. Recognize the pattern that is running the sabotaging story. Recognizing the pattern that is running the sabotaging story can set your client free from their old frame of thinking and its subsequent results. To identify the sabotaging pattern, follow this step by step process:
  2. You will hear your client use similar words. Find the pattern that is there. What are they saying without necessarily saying it? What is the connecting element in everything that they are saying? For example, they may talk about money all the time in different forms: they may say that they’re struggling with loan repayments, they may make a nasty comment about someone who has a lot of money and they may be frustrated with their lack of disposable cash. …

Most of us struggle with some level of self sabotage, self sacrifice and procrastination. Who knew it was an inside job!

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[Excerpt from the 4 People WithinⓇ 6-month self discovery journey]

Self Sabotage

Self sabotage is a behavior or thought pattern which creates unnecessary problems and interferes with our life goals.

Interestingly most of these challenges are a direct result of an unhealthy or an absent Inner Parent. Self sabotage is usually a pattern that originates from the fears of our Inner Children, to which our Inner Parent is unable or unavailable to attend.

Do you seem to know others better than they know you?

Do you find yourself withholding information about yourself because you’ve seen what happens when you do?

Have you felt lonely and as if you can’t trust others?

When we are not integrated, we can be withholding and distrustful. This is an unsustainable way of being. The stress builds up, and before we know it, we’ve gone from being an idealistic visionary into a corporate “drone”, wondering where along the way we lost our sense of self.

The point of loss usually comes at a time when we accept that we cannot show our authentic selves to the people around us. A project we used to love is now a series of passive actions. The people we used to love working with no longer see us as the person we really are. …

Why boundaries can transform your life, while barricades may ruin it.

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When it comes to those closest to us; our partner, children, co-workers and family, it is wise to note the difference between Boundaries and Barricades.


  • Are like a gate — we can let people and ideas in and out as we choose.
  • Give us freedom to be ourselves and claim our own personal space.
  • Are rooted in self love, self care and compassion. This connection to self allows our creative power to come forth, as our healthy boundaries creates a space for self expression.
  • Allow us to more consistently and easily reach our goals in life. …

Why the Biden/Harris Administration has the potential to restore our sense of personal power

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We have seen the geopolitical, global health, and financial implications of the Trump administration worldwide over the last four years. Many articles have been written about the consequences of the administration on climate, fundamental human rights, and the economic divide created through tax cuts for specific demographics. While these issues are significant, they are not the cause of our problems. They are just a symptom of whom we have become.

Unfortunately, my front-row seat has been to the aftermath of the Trumpian psycho-emotional turmoil. Over the last four years, as an Integration Mentor, I have spent hundreds of hours supporting my clients through this chaos. Most days, I have found myself saying things like: “No, you are not crazy. That statement is in-congruent with the facts (or what the President said an hour ago)” or “That is correct; the numbers do not match what the President is saying. It is completely OK to feel confusion and frustration around this issue, but unfortunately, we cannot control what others do and don’t do. …

Are you afraid of being a failure? Failure is an event, not a person. The only way to fail is by refusing to learn. Successful entrepreneurs fail forward.

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If we knew we could not fail, what would we go for in life?

We tend to overestimate how much we can achieve in a day, but underestimate how much we can achieve in a year. Being prepared to fail forward keeps us on track and helps us achieve our goals on a faster time line.

Most people are afraid of failure. They believe that failing at something is the same thing as being a failure. But failure is not a person. …


Merja Sumiloff

Integration Mentor, personality profiler, Founder of Sumiloff Academy of Human Integration

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